Fertility Struggles Are Real - Even From Abroad

Sophia at 9 months pregnant

Getting pregnant at 37 was one of the hardest accomplishments I’ve made. Without the assurances of knowing that anything and everything I did would even deliver the end result that I was looking to accomplish - you know, having a baby grow in my uterus - it was so painful to see that no matter what I did I wasn’t getting pregnant. Our story is not unique nor is it rare. In fact, according to a CDC report, the average age of women at first birth has risen over the past 4 decades. This increase is in part a reflection of the shift in first births to women 35 years and older.

Getting pregnant “older” seems to be the new normal as we women are trying to get a career started, save up money, live a little crazier sans responsibility for another human, travel and expand ourselves as own person. And yet, when we’ve had our fair share of excitement and want to include another human to this insane world, it may not be a miracle that happens to us in the timeline that we want it to.

Socrates and I, as we like to say, were late bloomers. We met when we were both 27 and didn’t tie the knot until we were both 34. We didn’t feel the rush to wed or start a family. We were living frugally while trying to put most of our income into Savings, 401K, and CDs. We did everything we could so that when the time came we could venture off and discover a love of something, anything. That came in the form of starting from scratch and flipping homes in Mazatlán.

But as we were discovering a new love we were itching to get started on the next leg of our adventure, having a baby. We dove into every literature out there trying to figure out what tricks and tips we needed to do because nothing we did worked. One year went by (2019), we saw an OB-GYN in Mazatlán who was really lovely but needed to refer us to a specialist as our inability to get pregnant was now outside of his area of expertise. The specialist we saw for about 7 months was one we met before the pandemic started and one we continued to do treatment with until he himself was diagnosed with the big C, COVID. We were then referred to another specialist because back at the start of the pandemic when you got COVID you were out of commission for months.

A picture of Sophia and Socrates during a photo op

The second fertility specialist put us on a more aggressive treatment plan. I put on about 20 pounds of weight due to all the fertility medication I was taking over 2 years. All hope we had kept faltering when each and every month came and went and my period would come and go. The stress of wanting this child so much was putting a strain on our relationship, on our health - both mental and emotional - and on our work. Waking up to go to work was an effort when it used to be something to look forward to. And all the while we were quietly suffering as the pandemic forced us to shut-in from the world and meeting friends or going out was something of the past.

By April 2021 we were seeing a 3rd specialist when we decided it was time to stop trying the treatments. He was the 3rd specialist who delivered the bad news that I was more than likely unable to conceive my own child and would need to consider using donor eggs or an alternative option. There is absolutely nothing wrong with going an alternative route or even using donor eggs, however, they were not the solution that I was content with. I wanted this baby to be all mine and from my own blood, sweat and tears. To grow within me and to be a miracle that Socrates and I did all by ourselves. And my god, thank goodness I persisted.

Sophia and baby Socrates

While I stopped with the specialists, a friend (thank you Nikki!) recommended that I try doing this incredible fertility coaching program with a very special lady, Rosanne Austin, author and fertility coach. Through her coaching she helped me get out of this rut that I found myself deeply committed to staying in and wallowing in. It took many tears and journaling and looking introspectively within myself during the 8 week program and by the final session, I found myself holding onto a pregnancy test that showed a + sign. That long awaited + sign finally came and while I would like to say the rest is history, it’s only just the beginning.

xo
Soph and Soc + Baby Soc

From Left: Sophia, Barkley, Baby Socrates, Socrates, and Bruno